The Bedroom and Underwear

The Bedroom and Underwear is such a fascinating subject for me. I guess this is because the patriarchy teaches that ‘we women’ wear lingerie to allure the opposite sex. But we wear it, whenever, wherever, with whomever we want. 

Nonetheless, it forms an interesting part of the conversations we have with ourselves, and our friends before we are intimate. Mines always ask me what’s sexy in the bedroom? (I find this particularly hilarious as I’ve not had sex, or a man in a hot minute, still)…

But let’s unpick this question, and ask what do they really want to know? Do they desire to be sexy for their partners, or just for themselves? Either way, I’m forced to return these questions with; what is sexiness? Is it our femininity, our style, our bodies? Or is it a measure of our proximity to the conventional beauty standards of our time, set by the ‘Media’, social networks and society itself?

When looking at our sensuality, and how we may be attractive to others, I say absolutely none of the above applies! We have to look to ourselves. Yes, you! That face in the mirror, and how it aligns with your personality, preferences and identity. 

We are all at our sexiest when we are true to us. The things we like, and what makes us feel comfortable, confident and open. I say ‘open’ because every woman who is sexy is a little bit vulnerable. She is consciously or unconsciously being her truest self in that moment, and that can be such a scary place. 

Rejection is real! I think this is why people are sometimes nervous to wear what they want in the bedroom. They believe if they try, or show something new they’ll be dismissed. But herein lies the problem, as we humans are complex beings. We change our minds, we develop new passions, likes and dislikes. So why would we only display one version of ourselves in the bedroom? Being authentic to your thoughts, feelings and physical sensations will always bring about more meaningful intimacy. 

Thus, accepting yourself is key to sexiness. This doesn’t mean that you love or like every part of you, but you do know who you are, and you don’t dim your light for others. We are all imperfect, and beautiful!

Once we are true with ourselves we radiate on ‘our frequency’, and if someone doesn’t resonate with you being sexy in that way, then they’re just not on your wave. And they should probably stay where they are – at a distance from you!

For me the prospect of meeting someone new, makes me feel incredibly sexy. Mainly because I’m vain, but also cause I love telling all my adventures to someone who knows nothing about me. And in feeling this, my dual desire to exhibit my mysterious self rears its head. 

And the lingerie comes out! It’s the perfect combination for how I feel. Because I can reveal as little as I want, depending on my mood… or the weather. This doesn’t mean my date is “getting lucky”, but there’s something so powerful that comes from wearing lingerie. 

My grandmother used to say: ‘Make sure you put on good underwear because you never know when there might be an emergency!’ 

As a teenager, I used to laugh thinking I’m sure the paramedics will not care, but as an adult, this idea of underwear preparation has not left me. 

So here are my tips for how you could prepare for The Bedroom:

1. Be yourself! Just in case you’ve not read above, this is the cardinal rule.
2. Wear something that makes you feels sensual! This could be a vest and panties (so underrated), or a lacy Basque, or a velvet bra. Whatever, makes you want to ‘sleep’ with yourself!
3. Think about the textures and how it feels on your body, if it feels good on you, chances are they’ll like it too. 
4. Senses, there are 5, and ideally, you’d like to stimulate as much of them as you can. So spray your favourite fragrance, drink or eat an aphrodisiac, wear a colour you like. This can work for virtual too!
5. It doesn’t have to fit perfectly! As a fuller cup gal, I can often become disheartened that the set doesn’t come in my size, but as long as you’re comfortable, and the garment isn’t falling apart, wear it, buy it, have fun. 
6. Indulge your fantasies. What’s the point of imagination if we never do what we dream of? It’s still you, after all, it was your idea!

For those of you, who’d like more details on what I like to wear, please keep an eye out for my next post on how a fuller cup gal can dress for the bedroom.