Tag Archives: Love

This Valentines, I’m the gift! 

In the spirit of loving my damn self, I walk into Valentine’s Day with an open heart, a winning smile and a dashing date. 

Oh yes, I’m sooo excited for vday this year! To be honest I’m excited every year… hello a whole day in celebration of L-O-V-E. It’s a hopeful romantics kryptonite. 

And it’s not only Eros that fuels my passion for this day. It’s the kindness, compassionate and acceptance that comes from your mother, good friends, and even sometimes unplanned company. 

Maybe it’s because my sister brought me ‘Love in Colour’ by Bolu Babalola this Christmas, or because of a new beau in my life. But this Valentines, I really feel empowered by all the celebration of love. 

Whether it’s people unashamedly claiming their bodies and painful experiences on instagram, or the new layer of softness in my friends who between them, seem be running a production line of babies. I’m really seeing the depth of self-love, and personal growth that comes from understanding who you are.

See, I’ve often found loving myself hard, what with my awkwardness, big boobs, bigger tummy, short Afro hair, and more recently bunions! But coming into my thirties I’ve let so much of my obsession with physicality go, and it’s left room for so much more. 

Not to say I was ever vacuous, nor lacking emotional depth. But I was so concerned with the measuring up of my womanhood to others, I had no chance to acknowledge my gifts. 

My ability to talk the pants off an elephant, my loyalty in friendship, my support to those ones I love. My ability to see a glass half full, and my never ending ideas for new ventures through creative springs has led me to this blog, which I’m eternally grateful for.

This strive inwards, hasn’t been easy. There’s been therapy, advice from aunties, reading, mediation, and big hugs (virtually and IRL). But taking time to nurture each of these gifts has made me more and more in love with myself. 

Naysayers would say “Ha! Another commercially filled excuse to guilt us into spending money”. But you don’t have to spend money. Sharing the love is free and infinite. 

It starts with taking those moments to just be you. Maybe your a free spirit dying to break free from the shackles of your job. Maybe there’s an idea you’ve had for ages but scared to try. A person you love/like, but your too scared to tell them how you feel. A lost friend you miss, but want to reconnect. A special place that brings you joy, or asking a professional for help when you feel stuck. 

All of these things are love, and if any of the above resonates with you, listening to your desires, and taking thoughtful steps to bring them into fruition, could be the first steps toward the greatest love of all, thanks Whitney.  

Sending you all a little light, and lots of love wherever you are this valentines 💗

He loves me, He loves me not…

Kicking off this love season with Eros!


This is romantic love. The idea of wanting a connection or physical touch is definitely not lost on me. As a single gal, I feel the yearning for love and, I desire love returned. Who wouldn’t desire a hug and kiss from someone they find sexy, especially now when its lockdown?

However, as a sapiosexual, this type of intense passion, always leaves me wondering if this love will last forever, and it got me thinking of the childhood game, “He loves me, he loves me not”. Even though we don’t play this game anymore, we still ask this question.

But how valid is this as a question to ask ourselves. Let say they do love you, like the Eros love. They’re so attracted to you, just the sight, or memory of you arouses them. They want to touch you, feel you, and make love to you. What does that even mean? How does that actually qualify them as a love you want or need?

I think a better question is not asking if they love you? But rather, are they a love you’re looking for?

I would like to think, the antiquated notion of does he love me, fell off like the resurgence of bell-bottoms in the late 90’s. But I’d be wrong, cause this ambiguity still exists. In the run-up to Valentine’s Day, and as the stir craziness sets in, and you are tempted by the “Hey big head” text… I’d like to wake women up everywhere with the reminder, that you already know who “loves you”, and who “loves you not”.

And it’s not in his kiss, honestly Cher, why did you lead us down that path! It’s absolutely in their actions. If you are confused, or unsure about how that special person feels about you then:

  1. Ask yourself what love is for you. Write it down, or voice record it, so you can refer back to it.
  2. Ask them what their feelings are about you, and voice your insecurities if you have them. Then pay attention, don’t interrupt, let them explain to you. If anything is unclear, ask them to elaborate. If they still haven’t given you a coherent answer, remember confused about their love for you, is also an option. Très annoying!
  3. Take time and reflect on what they’ve said. Think about how it relates to their behaviour and their interactions with you. Do their words and their actions match, and how does that make you feel. Don’t feel pressured to respond, if you haven’t fully understood what they’ve said. Sleep on it and process it when you’re ready to.
  4. Go back think about what love looks and feels like to you. Does their love fit with how you’d like to be loved? Make a decision based on that compatibility, about how that person can share love with you. Is that person prepared to show you compassion and compromise in the relationship you have?

Because it really isn’t about whether he loves you or not. It’s about whether you know what a healthy relationship is for you, and whether or not you’re in one.

So this Valentine’s Day, if anyone has left you wondering, even after you’ve asked, it’s probably an indication that they don’t. So do not be fooled by Eros, as passionate as it feels it’s usually short-lived, if it doesn’t have another firmer foundation.