He loves me, He loves me not…

Kicking off this love season with Eros!

This is romantic love. The idea of wanting a connection or physical touch is definitely not lost on me. As a single gal, I feel the yearning for love and, I desire love returned. Who wouldn’t desire a hug and kiss from someone they find sexy, especially now when its lockdown?

However, as a sapiosexual, this type of intense passion, always leaves me wondering if this love will last forever, and it got me thinking of the childhood game, “He loves me, he loves me not”. Even though we don’t play this game anymore, we still ask this question.

But how valid is this as a question to ask ourselves. Let say they do love you, like the Eros love. They’re so attracted to you, just the sight, or memory of you arouses them. They want to touch you, feel you, and make love to you. What does that even mean? How does that actually qualify them as a love you want or need?

I think a better question is not asking if they love you? But rather, are they a love you’re looking for?

I would like to think, the antiquated notion of does he love me, fell off like the resurgence of bell-bottoms in the late 90’s. But I’d be wrong, cause this ambiguity still exists. In the run-up to Valentine’s Day, and as the stir craziness sets in, and you are tempted by the “Hey big head” text… I’d like to wake women up everywhere with the reminder, that you already know who “loves you”, and who “loves you not”.

And it’s not in his kiss, honestly Cher, why did you lead us down that path! It’s absolutely in their actions. If you are confused, or unsure about how that special person feels about you then:

1. Ask yourself what love is for you. Write it down, or voice record it, so you can refer back to it.
2. Ask them what their feelings are about you, and voice your insecurities if you have them. Then pay attention, don’t interrupt, let them explain to you. If anything is unclear, ask them to elaborate. If they still haven’t given you a coherent answer, remember confused about their love for you, is also an option. Très annoying!
3. Take time and reflect on what they’ve said. Think about how it relates to their behaviour and their interactions with you. Do their words and their actions match, and how does that make you feel. Don’t feel pressured to respond, if you haven’t fully understood what they’ve said. Sleep on it and process it when you’re ready to.
4. Go back think about what love looks and feels like to you. Does their love fit with how you’d like to be loved? Make a decision based on that compatibility, about how that person can share love with you. Is that person prepared to show you compassion and compromise in the relationship you have?

Because it really isn’t about whether he loves you or not. It’s about whether you know what a healthy relationship is for you, and whether or not you’re in one.

So this Valentine’s Day, if anyone has left you wondering, even after you’ve asked, it’s probably an indication that they don’t. So do not be fooled by Eros, as passionate as it feels it’s usually short-lived, if it doesn’t have another firmer foundation.